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Before Starting a New Chapter in Life, Couples Should be on the Same Financial Page

By SCOTT WHIPPLE, The Herald Press04/10/2005

Consumer Credit Counselors say they’ve heard just about every statement imaginable when it comes to couples and money.

Yet, the one they hear the most from either husband or wife is: "If I knew you spent money this way, I never would have married you."

Diane Mull, area director of education and community relations for Consumer Credit Counseling of Southern New England, tells a story about a woman who ran up $40,000 in debt without telling her fiancé. The marriage never even went far enough to end up on the rocks.

And, if partners have been married before, they are more likely to enter into a second marriage with financial obligations such as unresolved debts. Mull stresses that if partners fail to level with one another about money, there could be unpleasant surprises once the honeymoon ends.

"As soon as a couple decides their relationship is serious, they need to sit down and figure out how they’re going to handle their finances after they’re married," Mull says.

According to CCCS, more than any other factor, money problems contribute to divorce. So, it’s vital that engaged couples discuss money issues with each other before marriage: specifically, their values, expectations and goals.

"If there are two wage earners, the couple should figure out who will be responsible for what bills," Mull says. "When money issues crop up the couple should rely on previously agreed-upon principles to help them resolve potential problems together."

Mull says you don’t need to go as far as signing a pre-nuptial agreement, but couples should fully understand how their money will be spent and where. That’s where Consumer Credit Counselors Service comes in.

A consumer credit and certified housing counseling agency, the nonprofit organization has offices in three New England states, and seven Connecticut communities. Accredited by the Council of Accreditation of Services for Families and Children, Inc. CCCS is a member of the National Foundation for Credit Counseling.

Couples who come for credit counseling are asked to write their answers to ten financial questions, then discuss these answers with one another before the wedding. The ten questions:

- What did money mean in your family?

- What does money mean to you now?

- After you’re married, whom do you see as being responsible for maintaining the family finances?

- Do you envision having separate checking and savings accounts, or joint checking andsavings accounts?

- How important is it for you to save money?

- How much debt, if any, do you have?

- If you don’t have enough money for something you want. Do you:

-- save until you can afford it?

-- put it out of your mind and tell yourself you don’t really need it?.

-- charge it to your credit card and worry about paying the debt off later?

- Have you ever seen your credit report? If you have, are there any blemishes on your credit history that could affect you or your spouse?

- If you unexpectedly receive a large sum of money, would you:

-- invest in stock you got a hot tip on?

-- start a special savings account for emergencies?

-- splurge on something expensive because it was "found" money?

- What are your financial goals for the next five years? Ten years? Twenty years?

After they complete the questionnaire, couples are usually surprised to discover the differences in their answers. Mull says in her class on credit counseling she talks about different goals; for example, the bride might be saving for a house while the groom is secretly stashing away money for a motorcycle. Still, a difference in values about money does not necessarily mean the couple should call off the wedding.

Mull points out that opposites often attract. It’s not the differences, but how a couple deals with the differences that measure the success of a marriage.

Take home ownership, often a major goal of newly married couples.

Susan Kelly, a regional coordinator for CCCS, advises that couples thinking of buying ahome should check their credit report and their budget to see how much they can qualify for. Sometimes one or the other partner has a delinquent loan that could disqualify them from getting a mortgage. Kelly says you should reestablish your credit first by getting into a payment plan to pay off the loan or at least lower the payments.

Here’s where a credit counselor can assist.

Often an impartial third party can help the couple draw up a budget and action plan. Mull says she was able to come to the rescue of a young couple who got into money trouble over their mutual love of Ford Mustangs.

Soon after they married the couple qualified to buy atwo-bedroom house. Both racked up hefty salaries on overtime pay -- he at Electric Boat, she at Foxwoods. But, both were crazy about Ford Mustangs; so, each bought one. When the wife could only work one day a week because of health problems, and her husband lost overtime, they knew they had to do something drastic.

"So, they sold their house and her Mustang, kept his and moved in with her mother," Mull says.

Mull believes this marriage can be salvaged. After all, the couple shares values, expectations and goals.

Scott Whipple can be reached at swhipple@newbri

tainherald.com.